The Third Child
by 23carolinelockwood
Summary: What if the man you love gave you a broken heart and dead flowers? After losing their third child, Ana and Christian's marriage is falling apart.
1. Chapter 1

**PROLOGUE**

"Ana, you need to eat." There he is again. He is trying to sound so loving and he pretends that he never hurts you. He is acting like nothing happened at all. What do you expect from a control freak CEO who thinks that he is the master of the universe?

Then, he lost it. He threw the plate away and still, I didn't flinch.

"Anastasia Grey, you have been acting like a zombie for five days now and all I want you to do is eat and talk to me. Communicate with me and this problem will be solved." He grabbed my shoulders, almost hurting me. There he is again. There is the man who bursts out like a volcano.

"Christian . . . I want a divorce." I said coldly.

Then, he stared at me like I said something in a different language. His jaw dropped and I can see all the pain in his expression. "What did you just say?"

"I want a divorce, Christian."

Then, he startled me as he punched the table. "THERE IS NO WAY I'LL LOSE YOU!"

Tears streamed down my face and I answered, "This was all your fault, Christian. You're the reason why we lost him. You are the reason why."

He shook his head repeatedly and vowed, "You will always be Mrs. Grey"

**Should I continue or not?**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews last chapter.**

**CHAPTER 1: BEGINNING OF THE END**

"Mommy, Mommy, I feel him kicking!" My little Phoebe exclaimed as she rubs my swollen belly. Ever since I told her that she is going to have a baby brother, she became the most excited person in earth.

"That's because he loves you, Princess." I told her and her eyes sparkled. I played with her pigtails before kissing her forehead.

"I love him too, Mommy. I love Baby Jeremy." She said and I raised my brow at that. I didn't tell her that her brother's name is going to be Jeremy. Well, Christian is not always home so we never thought of the name.

"Why would you name him Jeremy?" I asked her.

"Well, Mommy, Aunt Mia and me always watch the Vampire Diaries and I always wanted to be Elena so I am having my baby brother, Jeremy." I don't know what she is talking about. I rarely watch television but I smiled at how bright my four year old girl is.

Then, my six year old son appeared. "Mommy, where is Daddy? I don't want to sleep without him reading me a book again. I really miss the bedtime stories." I sighed at that. Teddy and Christian haven't been spending time together since he scheduled for overtime and business trips which I don't understand.

"I can read a story for you, Teddy." I told him and he sadly shook his head.

"I am going to sleep now, Mommy. Goodnight." He ran to me and kissed my cheek. What I love about my son is that even though he is in pain, he never fails to tell you he loves you.

"Come with me, Phoebe. It is eight thirty and we have classes tomorrow." Did I ever tell you that my son is responsible too?

Phoebe nodded and kissed my cheek as well. "I love you, Mommy. Goodnight."

"I love you too, all three of you." I told them wholeheartedly. I cannot imagine life without these two little people and this additional cute baby who is growing inside me.

Both of them kissed my belly before running to their room. I sighed when they weren't in sight. Christian hasn't been home lately. When he does, I am asleep. I wonder what's going on with him. He isn't like this. Is he having those 'I Can't Be A Father' issue again or is he really that busy? I just don't know what's going on.

Then, I suddenly smiled when my baby kicked. "You really don't want to sleep, do you?" I talked to him. I am really in pity of this baby. Christian was never there when I have hospital appointments. He wasn't even there when we found out about the gender.

"I know you miss Daddy." His response was a tender kick. I rubbed that area and whispered, "Don't worry because when your father is not busy anymore, he will spend time with us." I am really feeling bad for our baby. Christian wasn't even ecstatic when we found out about him. It wasn't like that with Phoebe and Ted.

I just shook my head and drifted to sleep.

. . . . .

My sudden urge to pee woke me up. I checked the clock and it was only two in the morning. I shifted my head and I saw my husband sleeping peacefully. He hasn't been very physical with me these days and he doesn't even wrap his arms around me when we sleep. I sighed. He's just probably tired and he needs rest.

I went to the bathroom and peed. Afterwards, I went back to bed and wrap my arms around him. I kissed his forehead and whispered, "I love you". This is the only time I will express this to him because when I wake up, he will be at work and everyday, he is in his office and most of the weekend, he is with a client.

"I love you so much, Christian. Baby Jeremy loves you too. What's wrong with the business, Christian? Is GEH falling apart? All you have to do is tell me. I wouldn't judge you. I love you, Christian. Thank you for giving me our three kids. They're a lifetime achievement. I love you, Baby. Like you said, we are each other's lifelines." I kissed his forehead once again and I feel our baby kick me. See, he misses his father so much.

Then, my attention was taken away when Christian's phone lit up. It was placed on the bedside table and I exerted a little effort to grab it.

Then . . . it was the beginning of the end.

I gasped and I feel heat building up in my eyes. I shook my head and gasped. My baby stopped kicking as he knew what's going on. I feel like my soul was being stabbed when I read the text message.

_From: Vanessa_

_Darling, it was a lot of fun tonight. You really are wilder in bed this night. Okay, I say yes to your offer this weekend. It will be a lot of fun in London. I love you, Darling. Forever._

I stared at my husband trying to stop the urge to kill him.

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	3. Chapter 3

**RIP Cory Monteith. We will miss you. You are not dead to us, you are in a midnight train going anywhere. **

**Thank you Guys for the reviews. I love you so much. **

**CHAPTER 2: THE TRAGIC SATURDAY**

I woke up with swollen eyes and I felt like I emptied all my tears. Right now, there is nothing I want to do apart from confronting my cheating husband.

Tears fell immediately as I remembered all of that. The text message was the most hurting thing I encountered in my whole life. I hope that Vanessa girl sent that message to Christian instead of her boyfriend. Otherwise, I will lose him and my perfect family.

"Mommy Good morning!" My door opened and I raised my brow at the sight of my little boy, Teddy. Isn't he supposed to be in school? Why is he still in his pyjamas? He ran to me and kissed my face and my seven months old belly.

"Hello Baby! Good morning! Aren't you supposed to be in school?" I asked him, faking enthusiasm while wiping away my tears. Good thing he was too focused on his baby brother that he didn't notice it. I don't want him to ever see me like this.

"It is Saturday Mommy!" I suddenly gasped at that.

"It's weekend?" I was shocked. Have I been that distracted?

"Yes Mommy" He smiled.

"Where's Christian? Where's your Daddy?" I asked.

"I don't know. I never know." I nodded at that. Then, his mood lightened up. He pulled me off from the bed and practically dragged me to the kitchen.

"Good Morning!" My little girl greeted us as she was holding a spatula. What got me flabbergasted is that the table is full of breakfast foods. Soon I realized that there are only three plates. Wait, they knew that their Daddy is not here?

"Why three plates?" I asked,

Phoebe rolled her eyes and said, "I got used to Daddy not always home." That made my heart crash but I got to feign it. I would not want my kids to see me trembling in front of them after finding out about the adulterous act of their father.

I sat down with both of my kids and they placed a lot of food in my plate.

"That's too many!" I whined and pouted like a child.

Teddy shook his head and said, "No Mommy, Baby Jeremy also needs to eat." Even though at times like these, Teddy never fails to make me smile.

Then, Phoebe started with the prayer. "Lord, thank you for the blessings bestowed upon our lives and for the food that we are about to partake. I thank you for Baby Jeremy and we ask you to bless all of us. Amen." I smiled at her. She was always the happy one. She's the contrary of Teddy actually. He is serious and she is happy-go-lucky.

"You both love your baby brother." I stated.

"Of course!" They said at the exact time, making me giggle.

"You guys are so sweet. My babies are so sweet!"

"One day, I will teach Jeremy how to play baseball and he will play video games with me!" Teddy shared his thoughts about the future.

"Someday when some ugly girl breaks his heart, I will pull her hair from behind." Phoebe sounded so heroic and I laughed at both of them. At least, they care about the life growing inside me.

"I love you. Three of you." I expressed.

"We love you too. Three of us." Phoebe spoke while Teddy rubbed my tummy.

Right at this moment, there is no greater wish I have than Christian's presence. I feel so bad for him missing this day. He could have seen how sweet our children are.

"Mom, is something wrong?" Teddy asked and I faked a smile.

"Nothing. Now, who cooked all of these? It's so yummy!" My voice cracked but they didn't mind.

"I cooked it with Mrs. Taylor earlier this morning before she went out for her day off." Phoebe answered and I smiled proudly at her, kissing both her's and Teddy's foreheads.

When we finished, Teddy said, "I will wash the dishes!"

"I will clean up the table!" Phoebe exclaimed.

I smiled proudly at them. They make me feel so special. I chuckled when they literally dragged me to the lounge so I could enjoy watching the television.

I tried so hard to forget what Christian did . . . but I just can't.

Instead, I cried like I am the weakest person on earth. Why did he have to do this? Why did he cheat on me? Wasn't I enough? I paused as I saw a paper placed on top of the center table.

I opened it and it read, "_Ana, Baby, I have business trip in London. I will miss you and the kids. I love you_."

Tears came out from my eyes as I crumpled the paper. BUSINESS TRIP? BUSINESS TRIP? FUCKING BUSINESS TRIP?! I cried out everything. I cried out for the person I loved who betrayed me. What's he doing in London now, huh? What? My heart crashed and it seemed that everything is lost.

The next thing I knew is that my heart is beating so fast and I cannot breathe. I tried to inhale every breath I can but it wasn't enough. I stood up and called, "Phoebe! Teddy!"

Then . . .

As my sight got blurry, I bumped into the table causing me to fall down. I grew alarmed as I felt liquid running down my legs. I cried out, "PHOEBE! TEDDY!"

No, no, no, Please God, no!

"Mommy?" They came and the plate Phoebe was holding dropped down the floor. They ran towards me and panicked, "What should we do? What should we do?"

"Call your father, Teddy." He nodded and ran. All I can see was Phoebe's frightened expression. She touched my stomach as if she was afraid it would rip open.

"Baby Jeremy? Hold on, hold on. We are going to save you. Daddy will come." Her voice was so small yet brave.

"Daddy's not answering!" Teddy shouted.

Before blacking out, I prayed, _God, please don't take him away. He's only been with me for seven months. Please don't. Don't take Jeremy away._

**:'( Thank you. **

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	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much guys for the reviews. I really appreciate it.**

**This is going to be a story with a huge twist. I hope you will stay with me till the very end and tell you what; I am a HEA person. **

**CHAPTER 3: THE MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE**

My eyes opened up adjusting to the brightest light I'd ever seen. Wait, where am I? This is not normal. I heard sobs around me and the realization hit me. I fell down the floor before losing consciousness! Oh no, no, no, no, no! No, please. No!

My hands found their way to my stomach and it's . . . empty. Tears escaped my eyes and I looked around the room. Gail was holding Phoebe and Teddy as they all shed a tear for me. Please tell me he is fine! Please tell me he is fine! Please just please!

My eyes spoke my prayers as I looked at Gail. She understood what I meant and she mouthed, 'sorry'.

"AAAAAAHHHHH" I yelled throwing the pillows to the floor. I pulled my hair and I reddened out of anger. "Jeremy! Jeremy!" I threw the things placed on the bedside table. Gail held me and I shook away from her. However, she didn't give up. She tried to calm me the best way she can.

"Ana, please. Ana, calm down." Her voice was low and caring and I didn't listen. I just lost my child and you expect me to calm down?!

Then, Teddy went near me and both his hands held my face. For a moment, I fell quiet as we looked at each other eye to eye. We mirrored the same expression. The expression of hopelessness and defeat. "Shhhh . . ." He said ironically as tears fell down his cheeks. I wiped them and looked at my little girl.

"He's gone, Mommy. All of this is Daddy's fault." Her voice was ferocious and sad at the same time. I know it is wrong to feel this way but I am glad that she thinks that her father is the evil villain in this story.

"Phoebe, good riddance! None of this is Christian's fault!" Gail defended my cheating husband. I rolled my eyes at that the same time Phoebe did.

My little girl fought, "Mrs. Taylor, with all due respect, if Daddy was only here and not in London, Jeremy could have been saved. Now, he is in heaven with God and . . . he never met me." She cried at the last words she spoke. Right then I knew that the sweet little girl of mine will change.

"Phoebe!" Gail was mad but I glared at her. No one hurts my daughter when she tries to defend the victim of the situation.

Then, the door opened and my breath hitched. I glared even harder as I saw the sight in front of me. It was my husband who is committing infidelity. His eyes were worried and it widened out of fear and hopefulness. My lips curled at that and I rolled my eyes. Why would he even care?

"Is . . ." He could not complete his sentence.

"Gail, please leave with the kids. NOW!" She obeyed immediately and walked passed my husband. I swear I smirked when I saw Phoebe glaring at him.

"Ana . . ." He ran towards me and held my hand. I quickly took my hand away. I was disgusted. Those hands surely fingered Vanessa's clit.

"The baby's gone, Christian." My voice was hard and I tried everything I can to feel nothing but the pain is just so infuriating and I could not control it so I just cried like a weak person in front of him.

When I took a glance at him, I laughed evilly at the sight of him weeping too.

"Don't try to act like you care. How can you care for that child, Christian? How can you care about losing Jeremy? Aren't you supposed to be glorious?!" I spat those words and hurt consumed all his senses. He looked at me as if he saw the pimp who abused him when he was young.

"How can you say that, Ana?" He breathed.

I laughed at that and it made him raise his voice. "He was my son! Of course, I care! Of course, I love him!"

I snorted at that. "This is the result of you in fucking London! Or should I say . . . fucking in London."

Then, his expression became horrified and fearful. He shook his head and before he was about to say something, I bombarded words. "You know what? I am sure that your darling, Vanessa and you can have a happy ending now. You can go ahead and leave me. You can fuck her everywhere in Europe. I am pretty sure she wasn't a Sub. You can go now. Christian, you can leave."

"Ana, I-"

"Save your words. I know you love her." I cut him off.

"I thought I did but . . ." I feel like a knife is stabbing my chest.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!" I raised both my middle fingers at him and threw the stuffs I can to him. He tried to cover himself but just as I knew him, he lost it.

He grabbed my hands and held it firmly. His gray eyes were angry and full of defense. "You listen to me! Mrs. Grey, I thought I loved her but it was only an illusion. It was something stupid and wrong. I love you and our children and I hate myself for doing the biggest mistake of my life! Mrs. Grey, I loved Jeremy the same way you did!"

However, something in me arose. I wasn't scared and I was cold. What I did is spit at him. I raised my brow as he stared at me with a horrified expression.

Then, Taylor opened the door and commanded, "Let go, Mr. Grey."

Like a good boy, he did.

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**Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows. I am so thankful. 47 reviews for the last chapter so in return, I update early. **

**This is not going to be an Ana is a Doormat story. I assure you that.**

**CHAPTER 4: THE FIGHT BEGINS**

Since I was discharged from the hospital, all I can ever think about is my son, Jeremy. I wonder how he is doing up there. Is he having a good time with God? I bet he is. Is he missing us? I know he is. How could he not? Me, Teddy and Phoebe had always loved him even before he came here on earth. Too bad I couldn't say the same with his father.

Ever since the miscarriage, Christian never took overtime. He was always in the house. The great part is that my children can't appreciate his presence. I remember that last week when we first came home here.

"_Ana, please take a rest. You need it badly." I rolled my eyes at that. He sees me lying down the bed but he tells me that?! Isn't he so dumb for a CEO slash Dominant?_

_I just raised my middle finger at him and he just ignored me. _

_That time I woke up around two o'clock and his arms were wrapped around me. EEEWWW! He could have done that to Vanessa! I quickly went out of his arms and found my way to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. _

_When I passed by my children's bedroom, I leaned closer so that I can hear their little but loud voices. "I wish Daddy never came back." Phoebe says._

"_But I love Daddy" Teddy insists._

"_But he doesn't love us anymore. He let Jeremy die and he wouldn't even spend time with us."_

"_He wanted to read for us this night but you said that we want to go to sleep." Teddy said with a heartbroken voice. When it comes to Phoebe, Teddy loses all his superiority complex. Phoebe is the arguing type so that's why my soft Teddy is so submissive to her._

"_Whatever" Phoebe gave up. I opened their door and they pretended to fall asleep. They share the same bed so I placed myself in between them. "I know you are awake. Don't worry, I will stay with you." Then, they giggled and wrapped their arms around me. _

_There could have been three if Christian didn't have Vanessa._

Now, I am seated down the dining chair with Christian across me and the two kids on the other side. Well, this is weird. This is the only time where things got awkward and silent. The kids were normally energetic when we eat and now, they can barely talk.

Christian cleared his throat and asked, "How are my cutie patooties?"

I rolled my eyes at that. _Christian, stop acting like we haven't lost a child. Yes,_ _you are grieving but there is no point of hiding it._ Now, I just don't want to look at him. I feel so disgusted of myself each time I see his face.

"We're fine, Daddy." Teddy answered plainly. I know how this is. He is scared of Phoebe. I know he'd like to talk to his Daddy but his sister will get mad at her. That simply means that Teddy is willing to give up Christian for Phoebe.

"How about you, my little Baby Girl?" Yuck!

Phoebe finished her meal and drank her water. She just left and Teddy followed her. I smirked at that. I looked at Christian and his eyes are so hurt. Oh, poor little thing! He felt the pain of being ignored.

When the kids left, my husband started the shits he does.

"Ana, you need to eat." There he is again. He is trying to sound so loving and he pretends that he never hurts you. He is acting like nothing happened at all. What do you expect from a control freak CEO who thinks that he is the master of the universe?

Then, he lost it. He threw the plate away and still, I didn't flinch.

"Anastasia Grey, you have been acting like a zombie for five days now and all I want you to do is eat and talk to me. Communicate with me and this problem will be solved." He grabbed my shoulders, almost hurting me. There he is again. There is the man who bursts out like a volcano.

"Christian . . . I want a divorce." I said coldly.

Then, he stared at me like I said something in a different language. His jaw dropped and I can see all the pain in his expression. "What did you just say?"

"I want a divorce, Christian."

Then, he startled me as he punched the table. "THERE IS NO WAY I'LL LOSE YOU!"

Tears streamed down my face and I answered, "This was all your fault, Christian. You're the reason why we lost him. You are the reason why."

He shook his head repeatedly and vowed, "You will always be Mrs. Grey."

"No, Christian. There will be a Mrs. Grey! And her name is Vanessa." He looked at me with that horrified expression. I know what he thinks. _Where is my lovely wife? Where is my wife who would forgive me for every damn mistake I make?_ Well, that wife will never come back. She grew into this harsh woman and that wife will no longer be his wife.

"Do you even hear yourself Ana?"

I rolled my eyes at him.

"I . . . I . . . Ugh! . . . Ana . . . I! . . . Ugh!" Unexpected tears came out from his eyes but I am not convinced. He covered his face and sobbed his heart out. Then, there is this sudden urge inside me to comfort him but it shouldn't be.

When he revealed his face, he was all broken. That made my heart clench but that something in me hardened it. "I am trying to move on from the loss of our Jeremy, Ana! I am trying so hard to be happy right now! I ended things with her, I did! I regret doing that. I regret it so much! I lost Jeremy and I don't want to lose you and the kids too."

We just stared at each other a few minutes before I walked out from his sight.

There is no way in hell I will still be Mrs. Grey.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews. I am really sorry for the grammatical mistakes. English is not my first language.**

**CHAPTER 5: WHATEVER IT TAKES**

"_Just a second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again."_

"Are you sure about this decision, Miss Anastasia?" Atty. Cathleen Humphrey asked me and I rolled my eyes. Why do people ask me that question? Just because they saw how in love I was with my husband doesn't mean that it cannot change.

"Atty. Humphrey, I just told you the whole story and you expect me to be hesitating. Oh please! Have empathy! Put yourself on my shoes. What if your husband did this to you? Can you manage to forgive him?" Her eyes were shocked. I know what she is thinking. This isn't the Anastasia she knew. She is way too far for that woman she works for.

"Oh, Miss Anastasia, Uh. . . Okay." She reluctantly agreed and I smiled.

"Thank you so much, Atty. Humphrey for your service and for this divorce papers. I still have to run errands in my office. See you, then!" I left with the brown envelope on my hand. I don't care how our marriage went.

I entered the car and thought deeply about how my life had turned out.

I was just a girl who wanted to have a normal life. I wanted to be a writer of a small publishing house and live in a cottage with my husband. Life gave me Christian Grey and it all changed. What's supposed to be ordinary became glamorous and what's simple became complicated. It's not like I dreaded my life. I loved it because I have Phoebe and Teddy . . . and I had Jeremy. I shook my head, trying hard not to think about it and this feeling in my chest is just so painful.

Then, I realized one thing I should have thought. He was strangling me the whole time and I let him. I hate myself for that. How can love do this to me? I am a psycho who believed that he had business trips and I never ever thought that he would be a cheater. I just hate how my life turned out.

When you grow up, you realize that all materials are nothing when you have no one to share it with. I was supposed to have someone to share it with but what he did was go fuck a girl in London and act as if nothing happened with Jeremy.

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone received a text message. It read;

_From: Kate_

_Ana, I heard you lost the baby. :( I am so sorry. I'll come home from Paris as soon as I can. I love you._

I closed my eyes at that. Of course, she cared about Jeremy. I am sure she is going to support me with the divorce I am filing.

Upon arriving at my publishing house, I was greeted by the smiley face of Hannah. "Good Morning, Mrs. Grey!" Eeeewww! Just wait a few weeks and people won't call me that name. She was chirping and I narrowed my eyes. This seems odd. Hannah never acted like this. How could she? She just knew that Jeremy passed away!

I rolled my eyes at her and stomped my way inside my office. How can people just move on from the death of my baby? Only two months to go and he would have been with me but that damn bastard of a husband ruined everything! Well . . . at least Kate cared.

Speaking of that douchebag, he was looking at me with a small apologetic smile as I opened the door of my office. I looked around and it was full of white roses. I shook my head again and again. This scenario reminded me of his proposal at the boathouse. No, no . . .

"Ana, I know what you are thinking-"

"Christian, why are you doing this?" I grasped. These flowers didn't impress me. He could have done this to Vanessa. Yuck! I don't want to be treated like that!

"I am making it up to you." His voice was weak. It was not like Christian Grey.

I groaned in frustration and looked around the room. What did he just do? So this is all the reason why Hannah is chirping? If only she knew what this man did, she wouldn't even be the optimistic her.

I breathed deeply and said, "Look, Christian, stop this"

I can see the tears forming in his eyes. "Ana, I can't. I don't want to lose my family."

I was supposed to insult him again with his infidelity but I know that there won't be a point. Whatever I say won't change the future. No matter how much I hurt him with my words, it won't bring Jeremy back. What happened is that I went straight to the point, "Here are the divorce papers"

I offered him the brown envelope and he stared at it with grudge. His eyes went back to mine and they finally shed a tear. He took a deep breath and just groaned. I took my hand back and we just stared at each other. Why does he think that I can forgive him?

I challenged, "Give me one good reason why I should forgive you."

He answered, "Because you and I are family."

"Family means being loyal to each other and you don't know what that means. We were there for you, Christian but what did you do? You fell in love with Vanessa."

"I wasn't in love with her!"

"NO!"

He shook his head and held both my arms. "Ana, you are everything to me. I regret treating you that way and I hate how Jeremy died because of me. Ana, it is all my fault. I am losing my kids and . . . and . . . everything."

For the first time, I don't know what to say. It is not because of the words he said but because of the intensity in his voice and face. Something about it so passionate that it reminded me of the time we had before everything turned out to be an unsuccessful marriage.

"Ana, I love you so much. I love you very much. I will do whatever it takes for you to forgive me. We will start all over again. We're not husband and wife. I will court you all over again until you stop the divorce."

I looked deeply into his eyes and I swore he wanted to kiss me but he knows where he stands.

Then, he said, "If this courtship doesn't work . . . I will set you free."

I don't know why but the last words he spoke are bittersweet.

**What do you think? Tell me please. Please please please. *puppy dog eyes***

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	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks Guys for the reviews. **

**Now, we get to know details about CG and Vanessa.**

**CHAPTER 6: DOCTOR VANESSA FELL**

"What the hell are you doing?! That fucker just cheated on you with a girl named Vanessa and you lost your baby and now, you are going out on a date with him?! Ana, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Kate shot words at me. She didn't even change her clothes. She just arrived from Paris to comfort me and I do appreciate that.

"I don't know, Kate." I answered while putting on my earrings. I wore this black dress and I am sure Christian wouldn't like it. It is loose and he liked it when I wear tight ones.

"Wasn't there any funeral or something for the child?" Kate asked and I suddenly paused. I looked at her with hurt consuming my face. She quickly became apologetic.

"It is okay, Kate. No, there wasn't anything like that. I never even took a look at him because it would surely kill me. I mean, his organs weren't even formed completely." I closed my eyes at that. Kate hugged me tightly.

"I understand. We shall not talk about this." I nodded at that. I am so glad I have a friend like her. She is sad and I know that Christian's family will be sorrowful too but I don't want to cut their trip to Disneyland like I did to Kate.

"I got to get ready, Kate." Before I stood up, she held my hand.

"Don't forgive him easily."

"I won't" I gave her my word. What kind of a woman would I be if I did that? I don't want to a martyr and I am not a masochist. He ruined my life and how my son should have lived.

I went out of her apartment and the car was right there waiting for me. Taylor opened it and there I sat in the backseat with Christian Grey, the devil of all devils and the father who killed his sun because of infidelity. He looked at me as if I am the most beautiful sight he had laid his eyes on.

"You're beautiful" He complimented and I raised my brow at that.

"My dress is loose" I stated.

"You look exquisite in it" He said and I looked away. Was it because of Vanessa that he likes loose dresses now? Wow! He really got it bad for her. He fell so in love that he could ignore us and let his unborn child die.

The ride was awkward and whenever he is opening up a topic, I just reply 'hmmmm'. What does he really expect me to say? Does he really want me to enjoy this courtship thing that we are doing? Fuck! I don't even know why I am agreeing to this bullshit.

We pulled in front of an Italian restaurant and as we went inside, we were ushered by a waitress named Vanessa. How ironic. I know this isn't the mistress. She is a woman around her fifty's and Christian would be too disgusting to have an affair with that woman.

As we sat down, we told her our order and when she went out of our sight, Christian's face started to get uncomfortable. I rolled my eyes at that. Moment breaker, right? You are in the quest to be with your wife again so you take her to the restaurant where the waitress is named Vanessa. How ironic!

"The waitress has a really nice name, hasn't she?" I smiled at him and he just inhaled. Whoa! I did not expect his patience to be this long. Then, I questioned myself again, was he like that with Vanessa? Did he ever get mad at her? I hope he did. Knowing that he treated her the same way he treated me hurts like hell.

He cleared his throat and spoke, "Okay, so this is our first date. This is where we get to know each other."

I rolled my eyes at that. "What are you trying to do?"

"I thought that we are starting all over again."

"But this is childish. We do know each other!" I argued. He is annoying the shit out of me without even doing anything. This is the point in my life when I believed that everything he does is wrong. This is the part where I loathe him.

"Just participate, please Ana." He was begging but I hardened my heart.

Then, just like what he does all the time, I lost control and yelled, "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! YOU ARE A SICK BASTARD WHO CHEATED ON ME AND OUR SON DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!" Everyone stared at us and I did not even notice that the waitress was right in front of us. He sat down, shocked at what I said. Deep inside I was having that evil laugh moment because the master of the universe had just been humiliated.

I stood up and grabbed the bottle of wine from the tray waitress Vanessa is holding. I opened it and poured everything to him. The audience gasped at that and Christian became expressionless. I looked at the waitress and said, "You and his mistress have the same name." I pulled her name tag and threw it to Christian.

I walked out of the restaurant with fresh tears and Taylor yelled, "Mrs. Grey! Mrs. Grey!" When he was able to reach me, I slapped him.

"How could you, Taylor, huh? How could you? You knew exactly what he was doing and you didn't do anything?!"

He was guilty and all he said was, "I am so sorry, Mrs. Grey. He threatened me. He said if I would tell you, I will lose my job. I have kids and I have-"

"I understand" I interrupted and walked out. Taylor didn't follow me this time. I hate what Christian did to him. Did he really love her that much? Where did I go wrong? What did I do that made him want Vanessa?

"Ana! Ana! Ana!" Now, Christian is following me. With all my strength and hatred, I looked back at him. Both of us were crying in the middle of the street and that's where all I got the knowledge.

"Tell me, Christian. Tell me. Did you really love Vanessa that you could fire Taylor? Did you really love her that much that you can let Jeremy die? For once, Christian, tell me who she is. Tell me what you saw in her."

We stared at each other for a long time before he answered, "She is a doctor, Ana. Her name is Vanessa Fell. I was in New Jersey for a business trip but I wounded my arm so that's how we met. We talked and I just liked her personality. I thought it was love. I thought it was-"

"Oh and it's all about personality now" I laughed humorlessly.

He ignored me and continued, "I looked at you while you were sleeping and realized how wrong I was. I caressed your stomach and realized how I have been ignoring our baby. What happened is that I ended things with her in London. We talked for several hours and it was obviously a closure. I love you, Ana. I love you."

"How long was the affair?"

"Seven months." The whole time Jeremy was inside me.

We stared at each other for awhile and when the cold wind hit us, I spoke, "Look, I need space and I need divorce. I am staying with Kate until I find myself again. Don't neglect the kids."

"But Ana!"

"Space" I told him before turning my back and walked out. I never looked back. I never looked back at the sight of him wet and shuttered in the middle of the street.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you guys so much for loving the storyline. I appreciate it. **

**Also, thank you for making me feel that you are feeling the story.**

**CHAPTER 7: MISTAKES EVERYWHERE**

"Can you believe that piece of shit? He cheated on me with a doctor, Kate! A doctor! You know, he makes me feel worthless. I bet that woman was hot and so smart and . . . and . . ." I cried, ruining my monologue.

"Come on, Ana! Geez, we know that you are way better than that." Kate can't help but feel angry at what I said. Since college, she never liked it when I underestimate myself. Well, what's there to be proud of? He just cheated on me with a successful career woman.

"Thank you so much, Kate for coming. I just didn't want to be with Christian. He makes me want to puke all the time." I sniffed and she offered me a tissue paper.

"Ana, you are acting like I haven't been there for you."

"No, Kate. It is just that I really don't feel appreciated. I don't feel like anyone is giving gratitude to my hard work. It is like no one is giving me credits as a CEO of a publishing company and a mother of three." I cried out, remembering Jeremy again. This is just painful. Damn Christian Grey for ruining my life!

Kate raised her brow and asked, "You know what you need?"

"What?" The tears are beginning to stop.

"We need to party!" She cheered and I rolled my eyes. There is nothing on earth that will make me go to a party. I'd rather stay in her house than go somewhere and pretend that I am happy.

"No" I answered straight to the point. I just don't want to go. I'm never interested in things like that.

"I wouldn't take no for an answer, Ana." I stared at her before taking a deep breath and giving in. Maybe I really need to chill too. Since I got married, all I ever did was work and love my husband and children. I never really had much fun with myself.

"Fine, Kate. Let me just change my clothes."

"Na-ah! I will take care of that." I rolled my eyes and sat on her bed again. It didn't take long before she grabbed a very tight silver dress and boxes of make-up. I sighed at that. Maybe that's what Vanessa has. Maybe she wore dresses that make Christian happy and maybe her face was so damn beautiful.

She made my face look foxy and she curled my hair. I smiled at her. At least I still have a friend like her. Then, she wore a glittery purple dress and make-up. "Ready to go?"

"Sure" I said and not a second after that, my phone rang. I checked on it and it was Christian. I reddened at that. What part of 'I need space' doesn't he understand? For a chief executive officer, he can be dumb. I pressed 'reject' and smiled at Kate. Right now, she is smiling as if I am a gem to be proud of.

"I am glad you did not answer that, sister!" She said before we went out of the house and drove down to 'Neon Lights Club'. We presented our ID as we went inside. I wasn't used to this. In fact, I hated places like this but I'd rather be in here than spend a minute with Christian Grey.

"This is going to be fun!" Kate exclaimed as she pulled me to drinking corner. She was speaking something but the music is so loud that I cannot hear her voice. She offered me a bottle of beer and I couldn't resist. I drank and it's so thirst quenching! Oh my Gosh! Why didn't I do this before? From what planet do I belong?

Kate drank one bottle and I drank four. She mostly listened at my speech about the college life we had. I teased her about the guys she cried for and she punched me playfully at that. Oh Gosh, have I been that serious lately that I haven't found time for my friend or even myself?

_I__'m bringing sexy back__  
__Them other boys don't know how to act_

"Oh my Gosh! I love this song! Let's dance!" I squealed, pulling Kate through the dance floor. We danced in that crowded area and I felt like I was alone. I just wiggled my butt and danced like a whore. Who cares? I never had time like this. I just want to lose it. I just want to be free for once.

_Dirty babe__  
__You see these shackles__  
__Baby I'm your slave__  
__I'll let you whip me if I misbehave__  
__It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

Then, I felt two arms wrapped around me from behind and I turned my head and smile. Oh. I smirked. It is a hot guy with green eyes and blonde hair. We danced through the beat like we knew each other for so long.

"Hey! Stop that!" Kate. Oh, why is she such an antagonist?

"Excuse me" I whispered seductively to the guy's ear and asked Kate, "What are you doing? You said that this is going to be fun. Look, I am having fun!"

"You are drunk, Ana. I do not want you to do something that you will regret." I rolled my eyes at that and got even more annoyed when I felt something vibrating inside my pocket. I pulled my phone out and rejected the call of Christian. What the hell? Did he really call twenty times?!

I gave Kate my phone and said, "That is so disturbing. I'll just get it later."

"Ana, this is wrong!"

Okay, no patience now. I glared, "That fucker cheated on me and don't tell me I have no right to do the same."

That left her speechless so I went back to that hot man. We danced with the Justin Timberlake song before he said, "Let's get out of here"

We went out from the dance floor and before I knew it, I was pressed against the wall, making out heavily with this buff man. I pulled his hair as he dipped his tongue deeper into my mouth. Oh. French kissing. I love that.

We were kissing and my back was hurting. No, I love this. I love the fire in this.

My heaven was over when Kate with all her strength pulled me from him and dragged me out of the club. "What the hell is wrong with you? You asked me to come here and you cut off my heavenly moment and-"

She interrupted me by saying something that made me sober. "I answered Christian's call and the reason why he keeps on calling is that Phoebe fell off the tree, Ana. She's at the hospital right now."

Then, I can immediately think clearly.

**Don't worry, Phoebe will be fine. Tell me what you think. **

**Please please review. Thank you for reading. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you so much for the reviews last chapter and I am doubting if they should have a HEA. Any say on that?**

**CHAPTER 8: HE IS THE DISAPPOINTMENT**

My heart was beating fast and Kate and me ran along the hallway of the hospital. I know I still smelled like liquor but there is no way in hell that I would wait a second to get here to my daughter. What have I done? I knew I shouldn't have come to that club.

I opened the room and there in the hospital bed was my little girl. She was holding her father's hand and Teddy sat on the edge of her feet. Grace was the Doctor her and she looked at me with a sorrowful expression. Oh Gosh, please . . . Now is not the right time for me to know that I had disappointed kind people.

I ran to my little girl and hugged her carefully. "I am so sorry. I am sorry Mommy isn't here. I am sorry you have to go through this." I pulled away from her and she smiled at me cheerfully. "It is okay, Mommy. I am perfectly fine."

"Oh, thank God!" I expressed. Thank God she wasn't mad at me for not being there and most of all, because she is safe.

"Phoebe is not perfectly fine. She still needs rest so that she can use her leg without feeling pain." I nodded at that and looked apologetically at Grace. I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have left her with Christian.

"I know that face, Ana. You don't need to feel sorry about anything. My loyal son right here told me what he did." She said sarcastically and I looked at Christian. He was wearing that shameful look. Why wouldn't he be ashamed?

"Right now, all I do is to meet that doctor and take away her license." Grace shot. I know that if the kids aren't just here, she would have broken down. Who wouldn't? She dedicated her life rescuing Christian from himself and all he does is cheat on his wife and kill his third child.

"What're you talking about?" Teddy asked innocently and we all smiled fake. My little boy is too young to know that life is cruel and so are the ones you love.

I changed the topic by asking, "What really happened?"

Christian was about to say something when Phoebe exclaimed, "I was so mad at Daddy because I thought he was the reason why you didn't come home so I climbed up the tree. Teddy wouldn't go with me. I went alone but I fell. It was so painful! Good thing Daddy found me immediately and brought me here to Nana Grace."

I smiled half heartedly at that. This changes things. She'll grow attached to Christian again and it won't make our divorce easy for them. I just sighed at that. At least I tried pretending that I was happy. Well, I am happy because she was saved.

"Ana, can I talk to you in private?" I nodded at Grace and we kissed Phoebe's forehead first before we went out of the hospital room.

When we were alone in one corner, all she did was break down. I expected this. I know that this is going to be her reaction. She cried on to my shoulder and I soothed her back, feeling her pain. Then, I cried too. Oh, Jeremy, if you are looking down at us, now you know that a lot of people care about you.

"Sorry, Grace"

"Why are you sorry" She asked, wiping away her tears.

"Because I was too stupid to trust Christian and now, we have to suffer melancholy due to Jeremy's death."

"Jeremy? That's his name?" Grace asked and fell silent. In this quiet surrounding, we can feel all the pain we have for Jeremy. You know what? I am tired of crying all over my son but my tears are involuntary. It's like they have a mind of their own.

"Sorry for being a disappointment, Grace." She shook her head and looked at me straightly to the eyes.

"He is the disappointment." She told me with a firm voice.

"I hope that Doctor was worth it."

"That Kristen Stewart home wrecking whore should pay for all of this. What in the name of all holiness would prompt her to have an affair with a married man? Doesn't she think at all? Why did she do this? She knows it is wrong!" She exclaimed.

I raised my brow at that and told her the answer, "Love"

We looked at each other for a minute before she finally replied or rather asked, "Do you think he loved her?"

"No, he _loves_ her." I corrected. This is painful but this is reality.

"I don't believe that." She muttered.

"But I do"

She sighed and said, "Ana, believe what you want to believe and do what you want to do. We may not like it but we won't ever try to judge your decisions. You're the one who got really hurt after all of these. I respect every decision you will make."

"Even if it is divorce?"

She inhaled deeply and said, "Yes, Ana. Even if it is divorce."

I smiled at her and she cleared her throat. Suddenly, she got back to being Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey again. We stood up and she fixed her laboratory gown. I smiled at her again and she paid it back. "Now, Ana. I hate doing this but Carrick and I are going to be busy tomorrow. We were invited by the Marriage Counseling Organization to be their speakers."

I snorted at that. Marriage Counseling? Ironic, huh?

She continued, "So I am going to assign Doctor Emilio Levine for Phoebe tomorrow."

She gave me his folder and I gasped as I opened it.

Holy Shit! It was the blonde haired guy with green eyes I made out with!

Really? What's with Doctors?

**So, another Doctor enters the scene.**

**What do you think? Please please please tell me!**

**Thank you for reading this and for the follows and for the faves!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I la-la-la-love it! Now, the plot thickens.**

**CHAPTER 9: LEVI**

A day had passed by and there's nothing I wouldn't want more than that Dr. Emilio to check on Phoebe and confirm the dischargement.

"Mommy, Daddy was like superman. You should have seen him. He moved too fast and before I knew it, the hospital car with a funny sound was so amazing!" Oh, Children. They have no idea how the sound of an ambulance is so scary for the grown ups.

"That's great, Phoebe" I faked a smile.

"Darling, you need to take a rest now." Christian told her tenderly and I want to vomit. Can anyone give me a pail or paperbag? Someone here wants to make me puke.

"Okay, Daddy, I love you." Phoebe told him and I curled my lip at that.

"I love you too, Baby" He replied.

"Mommy, I love you." Phoebe said and I smiled at her. "I love you too, Baby. Get well soon." She smiled at my response and what she said to me afterwards got me irritated. Ugh! I cannot blame her!

"Mommy, Daddy, you can tell each other, 'I love you' now. I am not going to get angry." I opened my mouth to object to that but Christian said, "I love you, Ana."

Phoebe smiled and waited for my reply to him. As much as I hate disappointing her, I didn't say it back. I just kissed her again and let her fall asleep. Teddy is having lunch with Kate. My son has been passing meals because he is so worried about his baby sister. I knew Phoebe would act the same way as Teddy if he still have Jeremy.

I went out of the room and Christian followed me. I paused like a statue and took a deep breath. It was a moment of silence. I know he doesn't know what to say. What does he have to say? He had hurt me and there is no excuse to what he did. I had been a good wife to him and all he did in return is kill our third baby and fall in love with that too good doctor.

"This doesn't change anything, Christian. I still want a divorce." I decided to break the silence. Even if the kids will get hurt, it is okay with me. One day they will grow old and decipher my decision.

His lips pressed into a hard line and spoke, "Ana, please don't"

"How do you want me to react? You want me to be happy and impressed that you saved our daughter? Well, I am grateful for that but that doesn't change anything!" My voice's volume heightened and so does his.

"What? Ana, I told you that I am sorry for everything I've done. I am making it up to you, can't you see? I just want us to have that same bond again." I laughed sarcastically at that. Who the hell does he think he is? Does he think that he is an angel who never did something wrong to me? No, he is the devil who put me through so much pain.

"Look, you fucking bastard! I may be so submissive to you before but I tell you. You are never going to be dominant again!" I yelled.

"Fuck Ana! Why would you even compare our marriage to that?! This isn't BDSM. This is love, Ana!"

"Love? Whoa, Christian! Love? BIG WORD! Tell you what? Loves isn't just about caring for each other and provide satisfaction in bed. It is about trust, respect and fidelity!" Right now, I yelled that I don't care if the people around us heard it. This man hurt me so much. He had put me through so much!

He was about to say something but an unfamiliar voice interrupted, "Excuse me, is there something wrong here?"

"What?!" Christian and I asked irritated at the same time. Then . . . my expression suddenly changed. The moment I met those green eyes made my heart stop. Damn! It was him! It was the guy I made out with in the club. He mirrored my expression of shock and disbelief.

He may not be as handsome and as sexy as my future ex husband but he sure has charisma and he looks so sophisticated in that laboratory gown.

"What do you want to say? Did you just interrupt our fight without saying something?" Christian exploded.

Dr. Emilio Levine formally replied, "With all due respect Sir, I was just trying to stop what was going on." Even though he was being a professional doctor, he cannot hide the surprise in his voice. Wait, what? Did he remember me?

"Well, you got to know where you stand. You are just a doctor who doesn't have any damn business about a husband and wife fight!" Christian spat. This isn't like him. He was never like this. What happened to the man I loved?

"Husband and wife?" He asked, making us hear the surprise and disappointment he is feeling. I looked into his eyes and all I can see was heartbreak.

"Yes, why? Do you care?" Christian asked rudely.

It took a while for him answer. "I am only here to substitute Dr. Trevelyan-Grey" He found his voice.

Christian paused at that and asked, "You are my daughter's doctor?"

Emilio's eyes widened as he gasped, "You are Christian Grey?"

Christian looked at him with the still same expression. Was he really like this? Where did the man I married go? Maybe Vanessa took his heart with her. He replied, "Yes, I am Christian Grey and this is my wife, Anastasia Grey."

I cringed at that. Eeew! There is no way in hell that I am still his wife! "Christian-" As I was beginning to protest, Emilio interrupted again.

"It is nice to meet you, Mrs. Grey" His voice was bittersweet. We shook hands and he couldn't let go. Christian cleared his throat so we let go. Okay, this is going to be weird. I am sure that the observant Mr. Grey is sensing something.

"It is nice to meet you, Dr. Levine." I whispered.

"You can call me Levi" He insisted.

I smiled and that and Christian said, "What the hell is going on here? Am I missing something?"

Levi and I stared at each other before he answered, "No, we never met but I always want my patients to call me by my name."

Christian didn't seem contented at that but he said, "Well, let's check on my daughter." There we entered the hospital room, with Christian's hand holding mine like he was afraid that I would be taken away.

**What do you think? Please please tell me! What do you think of Levi? **

**Thank you!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you so much Guys for the reviews. OMG. I am not even doing half. As a way of thank you, this is the chapter for you.**

**CHAPTER 10: HIS THOUGHTS**

"_Where there is DESIRE, there is gonna be a FLAME._

_Where there is a FLAME, someone's bound to get BURNED._

_But just because you're BURNED, doesn't mean you're gonna DIE._

_You gotta get up and TRY and TRY and TRY."_

When I was four, the most magical moment that happened to me was when I saw this woman in white who cured and took me to her home. She showed me what life means and she never gave up until I uttered one single word. She taught me that you have to do whatever it takes to chase your dream.

She was the mother I knew. She is Grace Trevelyan-Grey.

Meeting her brought me back to life. She loves me as much as a mother can love her son. What I never thought? I never thought that meeting her would lead me to the course of infidelity.

Fuck! I had a perfect life. I had a wife who never ceased to make me feel how much she loves me and she gave me kids; a son who I always spend time with, a daughter who I treat like a princess and the third? My heart clenched at that. The third child died because of my negligence. My wife suffered so much.

It all started when I had a business trip in New Jersey. One of my clients was smoking and he accidentally hit my arm with the cigarette. It ruined me. It made me feel bad. It gave the flashback of me being abused by that pimp. All I can ever think of is that, where is Grace? Where is the angel who saved me?

They brought me to the hospital to come down and when the psychiatrist, Dr. Vanessa Fell was there, she soothed me and when I looked into her innocent face, all my eyes can see is the angel, Grace who rescued me.

"You are okay, you are okay." She soothed me.

Then, I was comfortable. It is as if I had known her for how long already. "I am Christian Grey" I told her.

"Vanessa Fell" She replied.

She is so different from Ana. She and I went out and I talked to her about my family and she makes me laugh. We watched movies and I got to say, she had the greatest personality and it didn't mean anything. It was all hanging out as friends. When I got home to my family, I was ecstatic knowing that I am having a third child with Ana. I thought it was all going to be normal but another project came up and it was in New Jersey again.

When I got there, I am surprised to ever see Vanessa. Her blonde locks and hazel eyes greeted me with much hopefulness that I don't even know why. Then, all of a sudden, she kissed me and as a man, I grown to love it.

"I love you since the day we met, Christian. I know this is wrong but please be with me." She literally begged.

"I love my family, Vanessa."

"Please, Christian. Let's just try. Only try." That's the first time we slept together. I know that I should end up things with her but each day, I fell. I cannot force myself to leave her. It's just that I cannot last a day without seeing her smile and making love to her. It's like someone is caring for me.

Each time I come back to Seattle, guilt flooded me. I just found myself having no time for my family. Ana calls for my attention, Teddy wants me to read a book to him and Phoebe just wants us to have a daddy daughter day. It's just that work is calling me . . . and also Vanessa. When Taylor knew, I made him swear not to tell anybody or else he will lose his job. I don't know what's with Vanessa that made me act that way.

What are the things they didn't know? They didn't know that even if I am in GEH, I contact Ana's OB/GYN so that she will inform me about the baby. I knew from the start that he was a boy. That spare room in my office is flooded every month with brand new toys that my son would like to play with when he grows up. Each time I go to sleep, I talk to him and say I love him and how sorry I am for cheating on his mother.

That night I looked at Ana and a pang of guilt and realization hit me. I imagined life without Vanessa and it was the vision of me carrying on life with my business but when I imagined life without Ana, all I can see is me committing suicide. It was clear. I saw Grace in Vanessa when I met her. It is all about care I never had when I was a child.

It didn't feel right to end things with Vanessa via e-mail or text message. I went to London and we had a very long conversation about it. She was begging on her knees but what was I supposed to do? I don't want to lose Ana.

Then, that day changed my life. The instant Gail called; all I can ever care about is my baby who is fighting to live life. The flight took forever. When I reached them, all I can do is cry and cry when I found out that our baby was gone. It was my entire fault. What have I done?

She reacted the way I expected her to be and it hurts to know that my children do too. I don't anticipate everything to be the way it is before but . . . I got to get up and try.

No matter how painful it is, I swallowed my pride and did whatever it could to take back my children. They were harsh at first but I can't blame them. When I rushed my poor little baby girl to the hospital, she and Teddy immediately forgave me.

I struggle the most with Ana. I know that saying sorry doesn't mean anything. As much as I try making it up to her, she won't let me show it. She humiliated me publicly, fought with me and wanted a divorce.

No, this isn't going to end this way. I committed a serious mistake, I lost my son and I don't want to lose my marriage. I will seriously do whatever it takes. I will make Ana fall in love with me again.

. . . Even if it is competing with the Dr. Levine.

**Guest was right about the reason why Christian cheated. I love you all. Thanks for the support. What do you think? Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you so much for your reviews last chapter. I appreciate it so much.**

**Chapter 11: Understanding**

"_He is your first love and I intend to be your last however long it takes"_

"Mommy, I am so happy that Phoebe is coming home." Teddy exclaimed and I laughed at him. He was the happiest person when Dr. Levine confirmed that she is safe to get out of the hospital. I kissed Teddy and Christian did too.

"I cannot wait to come home, Teddy. Daddy will finally read a story book once again to us." Phoebe smiled and I frowned. How could he earn back my children's love that easy or was there even something to earn back?

I looked at the devil and he smiled but his eyes were guilty. It is like he is really sorry for something that happened. Christian took a seat and Teddy moved so he can sit on his lap. Phoebe adjusted also. She wrapped her arms around her father and Christian breathed deeply.

"Children, I am really sorry for neglecting you and your brother. It was my fault. I know that but I will try to make it up to you. I will be that father that you need and I will always love you and your mother. I will cease no more to spend a second with you. I will always be there every step of the way. I love you, both of you. I love you so much." He kissed both of them and I closed my eyes, trying hard not to feel the pain that it is inflicting in my heart.

"Daddy, will you be there when I graduate kindergarten?" Teddy asked.

"Every step of the way, son."

Phoebe asked too, "Will you be there when Mommy gets pregnant again?"

I paused at that. Christian answered, "Every step of the way"

I snorted loudly at that but Christian ignored me. There will be no step like that. I am going to take the staircase upwards. I will leave him and be with my kids. I will live that normal life I dreamed of before I met him.

"Mommy, join our hug" Teddy requested and I found myself in a loophole.

"Yes, Mommy. You should cuddle with us right now." My little girl smiled like a cherub and it killed me to say no.

"Come on, Mommy" She is now doing that puppy dog eyes with pout and I still found myself not wanting to do it. Then, I really feel grateful of the voice that interrupted us.

"Excuse me, Mr. Grey? I am sorry to interrupt but you need to sign up the papers." Dr. Levine informed him, making me feel like the heavens just opened. God really doesn't want me to get hurt or the children.

I can see my future ex husband frowning. Nevertheless, he went out of the room and even hit Levi's shoulder. My lips curled at that. Why in the hell would he do that to him? Regardless if he knows about the make out or not, it is still impolite for him to do that. How can he do that to a doctor when he loved one? Oh, he is so pathetic.

"Oh, it is Dr. Levi!" Phoebe exclaimed as Christian went out of the room. I laughed at her reaction. It is as if Levi is an actor and not a doctor.

"How are you doing, Dr. Levi?" Teddy asked, obviously liking him.

"I am doing fine, Phoebe and Teddy. It is really good to see you." He replied with a fatherly tone. I found myself smiling at that. What the hell? Ana, why are you smiling like that?

"It is good to see you too" Phoebe spoke.

Levi smiled and looked at me. He gave me the sign to talk to him outside and I told Teddy to watch Phoebe for awhile. I followed him outside and he stopped as we were in the corner.

"Mrs. Grey, when Phoebe goes home, I advise you to watch her carefully. You should let her rest or else she will feel pain. She is not advised to have any athletic activities. So most likely, this will be just a lazy day for her. Oh, and don't forget to give her medicine." I frowned at that. Okay, I appreciate and thank him for Phoebe's health advice but . . .

"That's it?" Those two words I spoke made his green eyes look down.

"Yes, that's it."

I laughed sarcastically at that. "You pulled as up in this corner and I believe that you really have something else to say."

"There's nothing" He argued.

"There has got to be something!"

"What do you want me to say? You want me to admit to you that I fell in love with the girl who I saw and made out with at the club just as I found out that she is stuck in a marriage full of infidelity? Well, I admit it to you." His green eyes were filled with frustration and disappointment while mine's were only in disbelief.

"How could you even love me when we only saw each other last night and not to mention you're drunk?!" I don't want any man to treat me the same way Christian did. It is time to get my guard up.

"Drunk people feel sober" He answered.

I paused at that and took a deep breath. "Look, Levi, I don't want to hurt your feelings but-"

"Where are you leading this conversation?"

"I don't feel the same way" I answered straightforwardly. I don't want to get his hopes up and I don't want to open my heart again. The pain is still fresh and I cannot move on from my son's death.

His green eyes showed pain that it felt like my stomach was being punched. "Don't worry, Ana. I am not planning on it. That bastard cheated on you and you are in this den of pain. And tell you what? I won't add pain to you. I am smart to know that you being with me will not solve anything. Another mistake cannot solve a mistake, Ana."

I look at him, bewildered of what he said. How could he be so full of wisdom and understanding and how could he put me before his own feelings?

"Excuse me" He said before walking out, leaving me breathless.

**Tell me what you think, Guys. Pleaase. Any opinion about what Levi said?**

**Thank you thank you thank you for everyone!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you guys for the mixed emotions you gave on your reviews. I really love it.**

**CHAPTER 12: LANTERNS**

_You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes,__  
__I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can, but for now you're scan of my unmade plans_,

"Daddy, what are we doing?" Phoebe asked her father as I rolled my eyes. We got home from the hospital this morning and this time of night, Christian gathered us in the meadow where he placed a red plaid blanket and food. Okay, he wants a family night but seriously? I don't want to join.

"We are going to have our Family Night" He smiled, making the kids clap while hopping. Family, huh? He wants to have a family night when Jeremy is dead.

"I miss doing this!" Teddy exclaimed as he lied down the grass.

For so long, I wanted us to have this. The whole seven months I waited for my cheating husband to give time to us so that we can have this. It would have been nice but I am sure that this is not going to happen again.

"Okay, let's start" Christian said as he sat down the blanket and the kids mimicked him. I folded my arms and looked down. I don't want to do this. I don't want to pretend that I am happy with the man who cheated on me and killed my son. I hate him. I hate this. It won't be long before the kids will wake up and realize that life is a bastard like their father.

"Mommy? Can you sit now?" Teddy asked innocently and I inhaled deeply.

"Teddy, Mommy needs to do something. Why don't you just start your family night?" I suggested, making Christian's eyes show the expression of sadness.

"It won't be a family night without you, Mommy. A family has Daddy, Mommy and children. It would be different if it's just me, Teddy and Daddy." Phoebe pouted as tears were about to come out from her eyes.

"Uhm . . . I . . . Look . . . Ugh!" Damn life for being so cruel! Damn Christian for suggesting this event. "Fine!" I gave in. "Yehey!" The little children cheered and I sat beside Teddy.

Christian opened the basket and let out sandwiches and salad. "What is for desert, Daddy?" asked Teddy.

"We will have cake for the desert but please eat these first." The two nodded and played as they ate. I cannot help but to laugh at them. Ever since Phoebe arrived, Teddy has been loving her. How could he not? Phoebe is so sweet but she turns scary when someone tries to hurt her siblings.

"Ana, please eat." Christian said tenderly and I rolled my eyes at that. Obviously, I am not feeling this family night. It hurts to know that it could have been five of us right here. The mere fact that Christian was the root to my baby's death makes me hate him even more.

"Come on, Mommy, eat now" Phoebe ordered and I did nothing but intake the food prepared by this man right here. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

For an hour, the three of them enjoyed their time. It made my heart clench when Phoebe shared her dreams. She said she wants to be a lawyer and when she will be, she will take me and Christian to a restaurant. I know it will hurt when she will find out that it won't happen because we will no longer be a family.

"Wait a sec" Christian stood up and went out for awhile.

I got curious when I saw my two kids staring at me weirdly. Their eyes were so confused and at the same time, sad. Okay, why are they looking like this?

"What's with your faces?" I asked them.

"Are you and Daddy getting a divorce?" Teddy asked.

I froze at that. Should I tell him the truth? No, not this time. It will ruin their moment if I do. Maybe I should tell them at the right time. "Why are you asking that?"

Teddy answered, "My bestfriend's parents got divorced and he said that they are not complete anymore. I don't want that to happen to us, Mommy. I want our family to not fall apart. Can we just live happily ever after?"

I gulped. How can he make me so guilty?

Thankfully, Christian came back with four lanterns carried by his hands. "What is that?" I asked, raising my brows. We never did that in family night. We just ate and talk and I swear there were never lanterns.

Christian smiled sadly and said, "We will do this in honor of Jeremy." Then, my heart stopped beating. All of a sudden, tears escaped my eyes as he mentioned our son's name. Phoebe and Teddy stood up and before I knew it, both of them guided me to stand up.

I continued crying as Christian handed as our lanterns.

Phoebe started, "Jeremy, my brother. When you came in this world, I was so excited. I cannot wait for you to grow up because I want to protect you from kids who will hurt you. But you died." She started crying just now. "I promise to you. I will never ever forget you. I will always know that I had a brother like you. I love you."

Teddy followed, "My dreams for you were gone, Jeremy. I should have protected you so you can still play baseball with me. I was so happy to know that I will have a brother but . . . you are in heaven now. I love you, Jeremy."

Then, I sobbed, "Oh Jeremy! Mommy loves you so much! I love you very much. I am sure you felt it when you felt warmth as I rub my stomach. You felt that, didn't you? I know you love Mommy from the very first time you kicked my tummy. It is so painful to let you go, Jeremy but don't worry, Mommy won't ever let you go. You will always be alive in my memories. I love you, Baby. I love you so much."

Christian gave his message, "If I could say what I am feeling in one word. Jeremy, I feel guilty of everything I did. You didn't deserve me as your father. I wasn't there for you. Right now, all I can ever think is how you should have grown up to be a beautiful boy whose dreams were fulfilled. I am sorry I took that chance away from you. I love you, my boy. You will always have that missing part of me. I know that someday we will meet again. Someday, you and I will have our story telling. You and Mommy will interact and you and Phoebe and Teddy will play. I know I had a funny way of showing it but . . . I loved you all along, Jeremy."

With that, we released the lanterns and watched it float up above the sky. Afterwards, Christian and I stared at each other, knowing how much pain we feel inside.

**Thank you so much, Guys! Please tell me what you think :))**

**Please please please**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you so much guys for the continued support. I do love it so much. All my gratitude is given to you.**

**CHAPTER 13: SECRETS AND REVELATIONS**

_Now it's big black cars and Riviera Views and your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you_

_And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page_

Four days. It has been four days of the Zombie Anastasia.

"Hannah, I am going out for lunch. Please maintain order here." She nodded at my command. After that family night, I shut myself out for a few days. I just focused on work and my kids. I cut off Christian and whenever a thing leads me to think of Levi, I do everything I can to not think about it.

I went out of my Publishing House then the unknown nightmare of mine happened. A lot of paparazzis were surrounding me. "Mrs. Grey, who was the doctor he was cheating with?"

"Mrs. Grey, what went wrong?"

"Mrs. Grey, what happened?"

"Didn't you satisfy him in bed?"

"What are your thoughts about your third child being dead?" That made my heart ache. Nevertheless, I ignored that question. I forced myself away from them and to the car which I will return back to Christian when I convince him to sign the divorce papers.

Even though I entered the car, the cameras still flashed and a lot of them still bombarded questions, "Is Mr. Grey happy about the third child being dead?", "Are you getting divorce?", "Answer our question please. This is going to be on the cover of our magazine!"

I started the engine on and I cried out. How could they be so cruel? How could they be so heartless? Couldn't they understand that I am this broken hearted girl who wants space? I growled. Now, the whole world knows that my son died and I have been cheated on. Great. I love my life! All it does to me is to give me a fucked up situation and add a more fucked up situation.

"Fuck all of you!" I screamed out loud.

Finding the urge to scream everything I felt, I pulled off in front of the bar where I met Levi and just cried out. I slammed the door open and cried out what I can. I went up to the rooftop and when I did, I yelled out everything I can. Fuck the whole world for being so mean! Fuck Christian Grey for being so controlling and deceiving and unfaithful!

"AAAAAAHHHH!" I screamed as long as I can. After all the pouring of heart out, my tears were unstoppable. I hate every second of it. I hate feeling weak. I hate how I thought that things were perfect. Little did I know that everything was far from perfect.

"You're here again" My body grew stiff as I turn around to see the green eyed man holding a bottle of liquor on his hand. I raised my brow at that.

"Really? You really are a drunkard, aren't you?" He laughed at my statement and drank from the bottle. He took a few steps toward me and unexpectedly, he brushed away my tears with the use of his thumb.

"I see you still can't get over about the whole infidelity thing; though I didn't expect you to get over about your son." Okay, he was drunk but he is saying sober thoughts.

"I cannot get over it" I said.

"Well, you're a mother." He took another drink and sat down at the edge of the roof. "You are going to fall, Levi" I warned him worriedly. I don't want another fucked up situation to happen before my eyes.

"I am not going to fall, Ana." He said.

I just sighed and decided to sit beside him. He offered me the bottle and I took more than what he expected me to. "I guess you are a drunkard too." He teased and I laughed at that.

"Well, I am not."

He nodded and said, "Now, you can tell me what you want to. Tell me everything that is bothering you."

I looked at the city deeply before I answered, "What makes you think I'll tell you?"

"Because I would not tell a soul." Well, that sounds convincing.

I sighed and began, "Ever since I was a child, all I wanted to be is to be nothing like my mother. I don't want to end up like her. I don't want to change husbands. I just want to live in a simple home and work as an employee for the purpose of the bills and the needs of my kids. Life became different. Life became full of mammon and I fell in love and it is complicated!

You see, that is the thing! Christian is far from normal. He always had issues. It is like he is born with the world on his shoulders. I got happy of course. I had three beautiful children with him and I am living the fairytale world. I thought it was all perfect! Then, I found out that he was cheating on me! Then, I reflected on how my life turned out. I lost my Baby, Levi. I lost him! I got the contrary of what I wanted.

I wanted to live simply but with a family full of love but what did I get? I get to live extravagantly and my family is falling apart!"

The whole time I talked, Levi listened. Surprisingly, he wiped away my tears. Damn! I didn't even know that I was crying.

When I calmed down, I asked, "You can tell me what you want now. You can tell me why you are drinking too much."

He laughed once and spoke, "The forty percent part of it is that I just found out that the woman who is supposed to bring the light back to me is married to a man who isn't faithful to her."

I ignored what he said, "And the sixty percent?"

He replied slowly and reluctantly, "Ana, I was engaged before. I mean, I loved her since freshman year in college. I couldn't imagine life without her. We were together for almost ten years. We got engaged and fuck! She found another man! Almost eight months ago, she broke up with me via phone call. I thought she was joking but she never came back."

Wait, what? Almost eight months ago? "Who is that girl, Levi?"

"Vanessa Fell, Doctor Vanessa Fell. I originally came from New Jersey but I got duty here in Seattle. Now, that there is no reason to go back there, I stayed here. Can you believe it? It is about eight months that I am in despair and staying here?!" My eyes went as wide as saucers and my mouth gaped open.

HOLY S-H-I-T!

Vanessa . . . the homewrecking concubine Vanessa is his ex-fiancé?

I was shocked and I didn't know what to say so he continued, "I wonder who the guy is. I bet he is richer and I bet he is too good looking. She said the guy was a patient and she instantly fell for him!"

"Christian Grey"

"What?" He asked.

"The man was Christian Grey. Vanessa Fell is my husband's mistress." He dropped his liquor and he looked at me with a shocked expression.

"I knew it. He's better than me." I cannot say anything. Now, I know why he is so compassionate and he is broken. What the hell is going on? . . . Then, he laid his head on my shoulder and we just cried quietly the whole afternoon.

**Your theories were right. Only that Vanessa and Levi weren't married. They are supposed to be.**

**What is your opinion guys? Tell me please. **

**Thanks you!**


	15. Chapter 15

**You guys are having mixed emotions and thoughts and chill! Don't get mad at me. It will only cause wrinkles and pimples.**

**CHAPTER 14: BITTERSWEET**

_You know that I love you so I love you enough to let you go._

Two weeks later . . .

I had been sitting in this couch for three hours straight. I just can't sleep so I grabbed the bottle of white wine and think of Levi. We haven't seen each other for two weeks now and I even question why I search for his presence. It is funny how the world is so small. I never thought that Vanessa would be someone who he is close to.

What got me frustrated is that no matter how much I try to talk to Christian about the divorce but I just can't. Everytime I try, he becomes busy. Right now, he is still not home. I am trying so hard to accept the fact that maybe he is out there banging random psychiatrists.

"_After the divorce, you can come home here, Honey. I know the kids weren't used to a normal average life but Ana, please live in Georgia. I know you need a shoulder to cry on."_ I recall my mother's words a little while ago. I had forgotten about her but I apologized. I just sighed at that. Should I move to Georgia?

"_Ana, be strong. Remember that I am always here for you and the kids. You can come here after the divorce is filed."_ The voice of my father, Ray echoed in my mind. Should I just stay in this state where Christian is near? Gosh! What am I talking about? I didn't even say something to Christian!

Then, the door opened and I was greeted by my husband with those sorrowful eyes. I just huffed. No words can describe how much I loathe him and how much I resent myself for marrying him. He placed his bag beside me and sat down.

"You're still up?"

"What does it look like?" How could he ask nonsense questions?

He laughed humorlessly and drank a little of the white wine. I looked at him and realized how haggard he had been. There were dark shades under his eyes and he seemed so tense like he was about to cry. He spoke, "Sorry I haven't been around for weeks. Something just came up."

"What do you mean 'something'? Is it another psychiatrist?" I spat.

Unlike what I expected, he ignored my insult and just drank. Well, this isn't normal. He isn't acting like the remorseful him and he miraculously is not starting a fight. I hugged my knees and looked at him.

He cleared his throat and said, "Remember that time when you first came into my office? You were so clumsy that you fell. I got mad that day too because you asked if I were gay." As much as I try to hold it in, I laughed at that. I don't know why but I just did.

He laughed too and said, "I remember the time when we were married and I gve you a lot of lovebites! My God! You threw your bra and . . . and . . ." He cannot complete his sentence because of his laughter. As I recollected that, I chuckled.

He continued between laughs, "We tried to watch television and you mentioned your first kiss and I was jealous. I made love to you on the floor that time." I laughed at those too.

Then, it's as if my mouth had a mind of its own, "You remember that charity even your parents hosted? You spent a hundred thousand dollars just to dance with me. Mr. Grey, you really are funny." We laughed together and when our laughter faded, he held out his hand to me.

"What?" I asked.

"Dance with me?" I quickly shook my head.

"Come on" He persuaded.

"No" I shook my head, thinking he is ridiculous.

"Do I really have to pay a hundred thousand dollars just to dance with you?" He joked and after breathing deeply, I gave in. I took his hand and we danced without music. Being a great dancer has always been his attribute. I should have remembered what my mom said. 'Don't trust guys who can dance.'

Then, our foreheads pressed together. All the comedic conversations were gone as he began, "I asked you to be my Sub, Ana. Because of me, Jack threatened you and as well as Leila. My past was very unforgiveable and I told you that you look like my biological mother. I hurt you so much when we knew about Teddy."

We stopped dancing and our gazes locked. I was beyond shocked when he reddened and tears sprung out from his eyes. "I put you through a lot, Ana but you still forgave me. You endured everything for me!

"What did I do? I let myself get fooled by a woman who I never knew was engaged!" For once, I don't know what to say.

"The hospital staff told the media, Ana and upon reading the front page of the papers, I immediately decided to go to the Publishing House. You were in your car and I followed you! I heard every word you uttered with Levi!"

I blinked at that with tears coming out also.

"You wanted a simple life, Ana! You wanted a simple one! I am far from simple, Ana! Not because I am rich but because I am complicated! I don't know myself, Ana! I don't know myself! What's worst is that I broke our marriage, our family and their engagement!" He was crying out right now.

"No matter what happens, Ana, always remember that I love you so much. I know I will live through life with full of regret. Please make our children feel that I love them no matter how they think. Please don't make our children turn against me."

Truthfully . . . I nodded at that.

I was completely clueless as he let go of me and grab something from his bag. When he did, he handed me the manila envelope I gave him a month ago when he asked me for a date.

"I signed the divorce papers, Ana."

I don't know why but I cried as I took the envelope from him. Then, surprisingly, our lips pressed for half a second as he said, "Live life, Ana. Live the life you wanted."

All I can think of a word that can describe this moment right now is bittersweet.

**What do you think?**

**Please tell me guys!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you guys for the reviews. Don't get mad. Christian will NOT have a child with Vanessa. I am not that heartless guys.**

**CHAPTER 15: GOODBYES**

_I hope someday you can find some way to understand. I'm only doing this for you._

_I don't really want to go but deep in my heart I know that this is the kindest thing to do._

**APOV**

Free. That is all I can ever think about. The process was long but I am finally Anastasia Rose Steele again. Finally, I am moving forward. The past will surely be remembered but the way I think of it, it is my instrument to become stronger.

Christian insisted that I should keep my company but I declined. Him letting go of me is freedom. I want to live the life that I want. I just want to live in a normal house with my children and be far from complicated.

To have my little victory party, I went to the bar. It was still sunny so there were just five to ten people around. I drunk tequila and smiled to myself. All the bitterness was gone as I realized that I will be free.

"Drunkard" says the familiar voice and I smirked. He sat beside me and ordered beer. Levi looked just the same. He looked stressed and his features tell that he drinks too much. Poor him. Trust me, I know how it feels.

"How are you, Levi?" I asked.

"I am not okay. My ex fiancée left me for another man who happens to be the husband of the girl I love." He answered and I smiled at that.

"I am divorced . . ." I answered and he immediately looked at me with that surprised expression.

"Really?"

"Really really" I said with a laugh.

We looked at each other for a moment and he spoke, "It doesn't change a thing" He took another drink and I stared blankly and what the hell? What was I expecting? Didn't I just say that I want to be far from complicated?! What am I doing right now? I feel like a slut.

He must have noticed my expression so he expressed his sober thought, "I may love you but I love Vanessa more."

I don't know why I felt hurt at that but I ignored it and just drunk my tequila.

**CPOV**

Something just came up! Something bad had came up!

She threatened us! She threatened me! _"I will kill your Ana and children if you_ _won't leave them."_ At first, I didn't believe. I didn't even go home just to keep track of her but she is so smart. My me cannot even find where she is. We tracked her calls but each time they go there, she already left the state.

"_I will never ever leave them_" I always say.

But having been with her for seven months, I know how she lies and I know how she tells the truth. She said that she is keeping something from me. That something was very important that it can change my life. I took a risk, even though it hurt. I even lied to Ana.

She told the media herself that she is my concubine. She also told me that she will do worst things to Ana if I don't end my marriage with her.

Even though it hurts, I did everything I can. I signed the divorce papers and gave it to her. Now, I am trying so hard not to drink and find out what Vanessa is up to. I don't want to be weak with my children around.

"Daddy?" Teddy asked as he interrupted my soliloquy.

"Baby?" My voice cracked.

"Why are you sad?" He asked.

I breathed deeply and got more nervous as Phoebe came. She smiled at me as she swirled her pigtails. Then, before even saying one word, I cried.

Both of their expressions changed immediately. Teddy soothed my back and Phoebe wiped away my tears. What hurt me more is that they cried also. They mirrored my actions and that makes me feel even worse.

"You know we don't like it when you cry, Daddy." My little girl cried.

"Daddy, please don't cry." Teddy told me and I nodded and I pulled them to sit on my lap. This hurts a million more that I expected.

"Remember when I told you that when someone finds their true love, they live happily ever after? They will have a lot of kids and they will just be joyful? Teddy, Phoebe, everything will change because . . . your mother is my true love but we are just not meant for a happy life yet." They didn't stop crying.

"What do you mean, Daddy?" She asked.

"You and Teddy are moving to Georgia with your Mom. I won't go with you." Phoebe looked shock and Teddy cried even more.

He sobbed, "You are divorced. This is like my bestfriend. He said that he and his mother moved her because his parents are divorced." My heart shuddered at that. How could they be so intelligent? Phoebe let out tears and I did too.

With that, I just held them for what I might be the last time.

"I promise you that this isn't going to be the end. I will get your mother and I will be with both of you again. We will be a family. Please, take care of mommy for awhile. I promise you Daddy will be back. I love you. I really do. I will always love you." I kissed both of them and their grip on me tightened.

"I love you, Daddy." They both replied and it just ached my heart.

All I know is that I will find Vanessa.

**Yes, she is hiding something big. I wonder what she is hiding. Thank you guys for the support. I am really glad that you let this get through your heart. Thank you so much for everything that you review. Whether it be a compliment or a critic. I accept that. **

**Thank you!**

**Please review :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**I am sorry for the late upload. The internet connection was so bad. Thank you for the last reviews everybody.**

**CHAPTER 16: ANGEL**

_Spend all your time waiting for that second chance, for a break that will make it okay. _

**APOV**

We just arrived in Georgia and the weather seemed so gloomy. Mom insisted to help us but I contradicted. From now on, I want to be that independent woman I want to be. I don't want to be following Christian's orders anymore and I just want life to be simple.

"Mom, is Daddy coming here?" Teddy asked as he sat down the couch.

"No, Baby. He is very busy." He just nodded sadly and I tried not to feel. Phoebe's head was already on his lap. Boy, she really got tired. To be honest, I am tired too. I am not taking orders from anyone anymore. Christian wanted us to take the private jet but I wanted my kids to know the real world. We rode on the plane and it wasn't as bad as I expected.

"Okay, so take Phoebe to your bedroom now. You have to share for awhile, okay? I love you." He sadly nodded and woke Phoebe up. I kissed them goodnight and they went to their bedroom.

Their bedroom is the very first room I arranged. I still have a lot of boxes to arrange and phew! There are still a lot of furnitures to post. Well, I guess this is going to be the new Anastasia Rose Steele. Then, there is this whole problem that the new house has only one floor and it is not spacious. Well, like I said, my children have to know what the real world is.

The thunder roared and the rain poured heavier. It didn't scare me like it usually does. Why would I be scared? I must not be a scaredy cat for the sake of my children. Why would they want to live with a woman who is broken?

Then, after hours, the house is finally orderly. I smiled at myself. This is the work of a strong woman. The house may be small but one thing is for sure, this is not going to be a home full of betrayal and distrust.

Then, as the storm grew, someone knocked at the door. I raised my brow at that. Who would visit me? It's the middle of the night and we are just new here. I opened the door and gasped.

"H-h-h-hi Ana" His voice chilled and he is soaking wet. What. The. Fuck?

"Levi? Come in! Gosh, why are you here?" He entered the house as he chilled.

What the hell? Why? Is he drunk again?

I made him sit down the couch and he chilled even more. I grabbed a thick blanket and with so much bad luck, there is no extra shirt here. I went back to the living room and there he is. He felt cold.

"Levi?"

"W-w-w-what?"

"Take your clothes off" I tried to make it sound not as awkward as it seems. He quickly nodded and I closed my eyes. He did what I asked him to and without looking at him, I wrapped the blanket around him.

I caressed his blonde hair as he felt even colder.

"I'll go get you coffee"

I prepared coffee for him and I sat beside him. He slowly took a sip and I rubbed his back. This guy is really stupid. It is storming and he knows he's going to get sick and why is he even here in Georgia?

"T-t-t-thank y-y-y-ou." He smiled despite the cold and lied down the couch. I moved at the edge and stared at him with a worried expression. His eyes were half opened so he saw my expression.

"Don't start" He warned but I ignored.

"Emilio Levine, what the hell are you doing? Why are you even here in Georgia?! Come on! Levi, stop drinking!" I try to keep my voice down in order to not disturb the kids' sleep.

He coughed multiple times before he answered, "Ana, I love you. I do. I know I do. I loved you the first time I ever kissed you. I don't know why but your presence struck me like lightning. Call it vulgar or lustful but our kiss was enchanted." He spoke in between his coughs and I found myself speechless.

"You said goodbye that day and I realized; why would I even love a woman who left her fiancée for a married man? You are far better than she is. Hell, she is not even good at all. I got used to seeing you in that bar and that hospital so I missed you. I searched for you but your publishing house was closed. They said you moved here to Georgia." His eyes were now closed.

I sighed, pretending not to feel. "Levi, all you have to do is contact me! Why did you search for my house in the middle of a hideous storm?!"

"I forgot to charge my phone, Ana. I know it is a stupid reason but crossing the storm for you was worth it." That statement reminded me of _You're the only person I'd fly a thousand miles to see. _

I shook my head at that and looked at the now sleeping, Levi. His blonde hair covered his face and he slept peacefully. For a moment, I took the time to memorize his face. I didn't notice how handsome he is. He looked so gorgeous and watching him sleep felt nothing more like I was watching an innocent angel.

Without thinking, I leaned to him. Despite the roaring thunder and the scary sound of rain, I pressed my lips into him for a second and for some childish and naïve reason, I grabbed the cup he used from the table and ran to the kitchen.

I breathed deeply and when I was calm, my fingers laced through my lips. It was a sweet and beautiful kiss. He was right. We share an enchanted kiss.

**So . . . Christian or Levi? What do you think?**

**PS Pls. don't think that the late uploads mean that I won't continue the story. August is just busy for me.**

**ThankS! Please please review! :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you for everything that you reviewed! Oh my Gosh. I love it. I love it very much. **

**CHAPTER 17: HOPELESS**

_I'm just the shadow of the woman I used to be__  
__And it seems like there's no way out of this for me_

"Daddy, I miss you so much. Can you come here please?" My heart clenched as Teddy pleaded over the phone.

I took a deep breath before answering, "I will come there soon, Baby. I miss both of you so much." _And your mother._ I added in my mind.

"Daddy, please, we miss your stories and we miss the way you carry us. I love you, Daddy. Me and Teddy love you." I swear Phoebe is now crying so I shed a tear. I cleared my throat and said, "Okay, Daddy needs to go now. I love both of you so much. Take care. Take care of your mother too."

"Bye Daddy! Mwah!" Both of them said in a synchronized way. I disconnected the call and took a deep breath. Tears streamed down my face and I don't care if Taylor is at the driver's seat to watch me as I bleed. I did this to myself anyway. I did a shameful act.

Hopeless. That's what I am feeling. I have been spending the time in the house alone. I miss sleeping beside Ana and I miss both my kids. I miss playing with my son and watching girly shows with my daughter. I miss my wife taking care of me. I miss her preparing the meal for us and I miss her fighting with me.

It is my entire fault. I cheated on her and I killed my son. I was bound to never surrender but the bitch was holding a secret so now, I am going to find out. We are on our way to the address Vanessa e-mailed me. When the tabloids broadcasted of me being divorced, she did not hesitate to come to Seattle.

Then, the time of revelation happened. We pulled up in the middle of the average looking house and I eagerly went out of the car, wiping away the tears.

"Christian" Taylor's scary voice made me look back.

"I am not sure if I will be able to forgive you if you will win Vanessa back."

I looked at him with a fierce look and spoke solidly, "Taylor, that will never ever happen." We looked at each other in a few minutes before I gathered my strength and stood on the porch of the house.

It didn't take long before she opened the door. Instead of a hazel eyed woman with blonde hair, a brunette woman smiled at me as if she never destroyed my life. "Christian!" She exclaimed. She attempted to hug me but I pushed her away.

"Let's get straight to the point!" I yelled. She took a deep breath and pretended that I never said something. "Come inside!" She said and I did with a heavy heart. I sat on her black leathered couch.

"Oh, Christian! You don't know how much I missed you. Look at you!" I rolled my eyes at her but she still smiled. "Look at me! See, I have brown hair now. Don't you like it? Don't I look like Ana?" My hands curled up to a fist now.

"Vanessa, you will never ever be my Ana!" I yelled at her and just like that, her patience was gone.

"Look, Christian Grey, I am not the only person who is a part of the affair. You loved me too, Christian. You did! So don't you dare make me feel that I am the one who destroyed your fairytale life because both of us destroyed it!" She yelled at this time.

"Fuck you, Vanessa! You were fucking engaged!"

"When I met you, I realized that I don't love him. I love you, Christian and not Levi!" Her voice calmed down a little bit.

"Why are you hiding Vanessa? Why are you hiding? Why did you tell the media about the humiliation I did to my wife?! It ruined her, Vanessa! It ruined her! Fuck, you ruined everything!"

"I love you, Christian. I love you."

I almost replied but due to our yelling, a baby cried. My eyes went wide as saucers. She took a deep breath before running to a room. I quickly followed after her. I could not make any sound. What is the meaning of this? What?

Then, we were in a blue nursery and she was soothing a baby. Only that it didn't feel like she is the mother. The baby stopped crying afterwards. Then, everything changed the moment I saw his face.

Jeremy?

No . . . No . . . It couldn't be! My eyes were now heated up. Gray eyes and brown hair . . . she looks like Phoebe. No . . . No . . . I didn't even realize that I was already sobbing.

Vanessa gave him to me and I held him in my arms for the first time. I cried as I memorized every angle of his face. He cooed and smiled at me. I smiled back despite the weeping.

Vanessa explained, "Jeremy is small because he was born premature. I took his body and replaced it with a dead one in the hospital. I brought him home and for a few months, I was contented because having him is like having you near me."

Even though I am holding my baby in my arms, I managed to slap her. "You don't know how we cried for him! You don't know how we were so miserable!"

"You can have him or I guess Ana can have him." I raised my brows at that so she continued, "I will return him to Ana . . . if you marry me."

"OVER MY DEAD BODY" Jeremy cried and I soothed him.

"You can go ahead and leave with your son, Christian but that doesn't mean that I will be out of your lives!"

"Are you insane?!"

"Yes, I am insanely in love with you! Don't you see? You can't even get me arrested. I am his rightful guardian and you don't have any proof that I stole him purposely. It's a choice, Christian. Leave with your son and let Ana experience hell or leave your son with Ana and marry me?"

I found myself in a dead end. The whole world felt silent. I don't know what to do. I . . . ugh!

"Fine, I'll marry you as long as you give Jeremy to Ana!"

"Thank you, Christian. I always knew you love me."

**She got Loca de Amor. What do you say? Please tell me. Please do. Please do.**

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	19. Chapter 19

**105 reviews! Thank you so much for the reviews guys. Thank you. Thank you.**

**Sorry for this late update. Been so busy.**

**CHAPTER 18: DIFFERENT LOVERS**

_Mess up my bed with me. Kick off the covers I'm waiting. Every word you said I think I should write down. Don't want to forget come daylight._

**APOV**

"Look Dr. Levi! The giraffe has long neck!" Phoebe pointed out. We laughed at her. She's just too adorable. After the huge storm last night, the sun came up again and we decided to go to the zoo. The kids are too happy to see Levi.

"Isn't that giraffe amazing?" Levi sounded as if he never encountered a giraffe before.

"That giraffe is kind of scary looking. I like the lion more. ROAR!" Teddy imitated the lion and we just laughed at that. I never expected them to have so much fun with Levi.

"You're like Simba, Teddy." Levi told him and he smiled proudly.

"And Mufasa is Daddy." Phoebe said but Levi wasn't affected. He laughed with her and that made me smile. Then, I watched the three of them tickle one another and that's when realization hits me.

No matter how much I try to take their feelings away from Christian, it will never happen because he is their father and I've got nothing to do but accept that fact.

**CPOV**

Fuck. It has been a day since I stayed with Vanessa. I will never be a fool again. What I want to do right now is find a way for me to get Jeremy out of here and get the name of the doctor assigned in the hospital where Ana had her delivery. This plan couldn't be possible if Vanessa doesn't have an ally.

"Is my little Jeremy hungry?" Vanessa cooed at him and I am fucking disgusted.

But then again, it's time to play along with it. "He misses his Mommy." I sounded so believable. I cannot even believe that those words are coming out of my mouth.

Vanessa looked incredulously at me. Her lips widened and said, "I knew it! You will build up a family with me! See, Christian? Everything is perfect! I will be the mother and you are the father and Jeremy here is our baby!"

I tried not to puke at that but I just gave a fake smile. I fed Jeremy and when he fell asleep, I set him down his crib. Meanwhile, Vanessa was humming in the kitchen. Oh, this is it. I will do this no matter how much it disgusts me.

I wrapped my arms around her from behind and without second thoughts; she turned around and kissed me feverishly. I kissed her back. I know that this is the only way. I held her tits tightly and she moaned in my mouth.

"CHRISTIAN!" She growled out loud and I am only touching the upper part of her body. Oh, this is going to be easy. I know that it is going to be. She wrapped both her legs around my hips as I led the way to the bedroom.

**APOV**

I was sitting down the bed, reflecting on what happened this day. Phoebe and Teddy enjoyed the zoo as much as they did afterwards as we went to the mall. Levi loved every moment with them and I found myself smiling at that.

After a very long day, both of them were sleepy and I let Levi tuck them in. At least, he won't be drunk just for tonight. The clearing of his throat interrupted my thoughts. He smiled at me and for the first time, he doesn't look tired or stressed.

Slowly, he sat down beside me and started, "Teddy and Phoebe are peacefully sleeping now."

"Thanks for tucking them in."

"No big deal. They both are amazing, Ana." He said, making me smile.

"You're healthy for them, Levi." I never expected that that statement would turn the mood upside down. Suddenly, Levi's expressions changed. "What's wrong, Levi?"

"You sound like you want me to replace Christian as their father."

I sighed at that, "I did thought of that but-"

"BULLSHIT! How can you do that to your kids, Ana?" I raised my brow at that.

"Excuse me?"

"Your kids don't deserve to lose their father and I wouldn't want that to happen. Yes, I want to replace Christian but not as a father, Ana. I want to replace him as your lover." After a second, all I felt were his lips pressed against mine. Our lips locked fiercely and I pushed him away as I gathered all the strength.

Didn't I come here to be a strong single mother?

"Levi, please . . ." I stood up and walked out from the door. When I reached the wall, I pressed my forehead against it and tried not to feel what sensations his kiss gave me.

I heard him say, "For once, Ana. Forget everything and just think of what you feel about me." His voice was so tender that I gave in. I turned around and ran to him. Our lips found their way back to each other again. I pulled his hair as the pleasure felt so overwhelming.

Our tongues collided and it was wild and sweet at the same time. With our lips never separated, we went inside the room and locked the door. Before I knew it, our clothes were gone and he filled me with passion and pleasure.

We moved in sync and when we came together, he whispered, "I love you" before we fell asleep.

**CPOV**

"Vanessa? Vanessa?" I asked multiple times. The coast is clear. She is already asleep. I got a few strands of her hair during the wild meaningless sex we had. I made sure she got tired so she fell into a deep sleep.

I slowly put on my clothes, feeling success. I went inside the nursery and carried Baby Jeremy. He made a quiet sound but I wrapped my arms around him securely. Knowing that he is safe, he leaned into my chest and I kissed his head.

"We are going to Mommy"

And so . . . we did.

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	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you guys because we reached 800 reviews. **

**CHAPTER 19: DOORSTEP**

_Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard._

_Oh, take me back to the start._

**APOV**

"Promise I will be back. Something just came up, Ana." Levi said and I frowned at that. We spent the entire night making love and now he is coming back to Seattle because something just came up.

Then, he reached for my cheek, "Why are you frowning?"

"I miss you already." He smiled at that and kissed my forehead.

"I will be back, Ana. I love you." He told me and my eyes sparkled at that.

"I love you too, Levi." I spoke with pure sincerity. After what happened last night, I finally realized that I love him too. It is so rare to find a person so interesting and understanding and it is harder to find someone who thinks the same way.

I watched him take his car from our front porch and I still found myself thinking of what happened last night. I was pretty sure that I didn't feel the same way but I guess love just moves mysteriously.

"Mommy, did Uncle Levi leave already?" My son asked while watching television.

"Yes, Baby but he will come back eventually." I answered with an assuring smile. Later, Phoebe stopped playing with her dolls and asked, "Mommy, when is Daddy going to visit us? I really, really miss him!"

I sighed at that. "He'll come too . . . eventually." She smiled at that and continued to play. I was washing the dishes when the doorbell rang. "Teddy, please open the door."

"Phoebe, open the door." Teddy commanded Phoebe and I glared at that.

"Hey! That's not fair! Mom asked you to do that!" The way Phoebe got mad at him was so cute.

"Hey, I am older than you so you shall obey me!"

"Fine! Don't fight! Phoebe, Teddy, behave." I shook my hands to wash away the wetness. I walked slowly to the door and I gasped as I saw Christian . . . holding a baby in his arms.

What does this mean?

"Ana" He spoke with remorseful but desirous eyes. I heard the baby coo and I looked at him. He shifted a little so I saw his face. "Is . . . that?" No, no, no, it couldn't be. My Jeremy was gone and he was dead. I was ready to move on but . . . but . . . but . . .

"It's Jeremy, Ana." Christian confirmed with a breathless voice.

I covered my mouth and tears immediately flowed from my eyes. I shook my head and gasped again and again. "Let me hold him. Please let me. Please Christian!"

Without hesitation, he gave me my baby. I looked at him and my tears dropped on his face. That made him open his eyes and I gasped even more. "Oh . . ." More tears rolled down my face and he smiled at me. Oh, my Jeremy smiled at me. Then, Christian took my by surprise when he wrapped his arms around us and kissed my forehead.

What felt more surprising is that I let him do that.

"Mommy, are you crying?" I heard Phoebe ask but hearing their screams, 'Daddy!' startled the hell out of me. They ran and Christian hugged both of them tightly. He swung both of them and I laughed at that. Oh, how could I deny him to my children?

"Who is that baby?" Teddy asked innocently and I smiled at him.

"Is it . . . Is it . . ." Phoebe sounded hopeful and thrilled and when I nodded, both of my kids jumped with joy. Christian carried them both so they could see their brother. I laughed at that. There were no questions from them.

"Oh, it's our brother" Phoebe exclaimed. Then, Teddy gave him his hand and Jeremy wrapped his little hands around Teddy's finger causing us all to speak, "Awww"

Right in this doorstep happened the most amazing moment in my life. My son is alive and when I looked at Christian, he was already looking at me so all we did was to smile.

For the first time in months, it was a sincere smile.

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	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you all for the undying support. Tell you what? We are near to the end.**

**CHAPTER 20: IN THE NAME OF LOVE**

_Maybe there's a God above and all I can ever learn from love is how to shoot someone who outgrew you._

_Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah._

**APOV**

"Is he going to stay with us forever?" My daughter asked. We are cuddled up in the living room for what seems like hours now. I just can't get over how my son is still alive. This is the most incredible thing Christian gave me.

"Forever and ever, Baby." Christian assured and Phoebe hugged him even tighter. I smiled at that. Who would have thought that we will have a moment like this after the divorce?

"Jeremy's so cute, Christian. I just can't believe this. It is so surreal." I exclaimed and laughed afterwards as Jeremy yawned. This is just amazing. Words cannot even describe what I really feel right now.

Then, what Teddy said ruined the entire day. "Oh, this is going to be great! Jeremy will be here and Daddy and Mommy and Phoebe . . . oh and Uncle Levi!" My breath hitched at that. I don't blame Teddy because he is just a kid. I looked at my ex-husband and for some reason, it broke my heart.

The way he looked was so hurt and all the happiness he had . . . were gone.

**CPOV**

"Goodnight Daddy. I love you!" My two older kids kissed both my cheeks before going to their tiny bed. If only I was normal, my kids could have grown in this kind of place.

Ana is putting Jeremy to his crib. I managed to bring it before coming here. Right after getting him, we got the DNA results and went here. Ana was happy and my heart was shuttered into pieces.

By the looks of it, my children are loving Levi and there isn't a chance that Ana will take me back. I tried not to cry but I just did. I hate committing an adulterous act and I hate on how a coward I was to give up. I can see that this is what she wants.

"Are you crying?" Ana asked and I immediately wiped away my tears.

"You were with Levi." It wasn't a question.

There was a moment of silence but she replied, "Yes, I was."

"You slept with him." It still wasn't a statement but there was a hint of hope that it wasn't true.

She sucked her breath before answering, "Yes"

That was like a dagger twisting my heart only that it felt so real and there is nothing I can do to take it back. More tears escaped my eyes and she just looked down. What can I say? I will never be good for her.

"Christian, I am-"

"Don't say you're sorry, Ana." I took her hands with me and said, "I only agreed with the divorce so I will get to know what Vanessa is hiding from me. She has Jeremy and it was worth to get divorced and win you back again. But . . . it will never happen. Ana, I will never ever be good for you."

Unexpectedly, a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Levi can give you something I can't. Levi can be normal and he may have a few baggage but I know you will be better with him."

"Christian, I-"

"It's time to be selfless, Ana. I love you so much that I can truly let you go. Be happy, Ana." I kissed her lips once more and she pulled my face and the kiss went deeper. When we needed breath, I pulled away and kissed her forehead.

"I love you" I whispered before walking out of the door. And walking out of her life.

**VANESSA'S POV**

Two days in jail and I realized how wrong I was. Christian never loved me. He loved sex with me and I was a fool.

I was raised by a mannered family who taught me well. I was a good student and a good doctor. I was a fiancée to a successful man and I had a bright future ahead of me. Who would have thought one single person can change that?

Meeting Christian was like Haley's comet. It was once in a lifetime. I loved him the first time I ever saw him and without thinking, I left Levi. I became a mistress and what's worst is that I stole his child because I couldn't think of a way for him to come back to me.

Stealing Jeremy was risky. I had few friends in Seattle Hospital and paid them a huge amount to switch Jeremy and a dead baby. I didn't realize how sick it is until the last two days.

Christian slept with me and all I ever thought is that he and I are going to be together. Then, I woke up without Baby Jeremy and the policemen were on the front porch of the house.

Then, it all snapped.

I lost who I was and I became a woman scorned all because of the obsession I felt to the men with black suit. I cannot stop crying. It is hard to accept the fact that the change wasn't worth it at all because he never loved me back.

Right now, all I want to do is repent. How could I ever let this go far?

"Hey, you have a visitor!" The fat policewoman interrupted me and I went out with her. She led me to this room and my shame grew even more because it was Levi.

I took a seat across him and bowed my head down.

**LEVI'S POV**

My heart clenched as I saw my one true love looking like hell. I swear I could cry right now. Upon looking at her, I realized how wrong I was. What the hell was I thinking? How can I love Ana? How could I make love to her and . . . and . . . this is just messed up!

"Hi" Vanessa whispered. Christian, what did you do to her?

"Hello, Vanessa. I brought you some clothes and some fruits also. You can share it with you cellmates." I smiled.

"Why would you do that?" She asked.

"Because I love you" I simply answered.

She snorted. "You love me? You love me?! How can you ever love someone like me?"

"I told you that before Vanessa. I will love you forever. I will love you no matter who you are, who you were and who you will be. . . even though you are blonde." I added a joke and she smiled a little.

"Levi, please don't do this. I love Christian and-"

I shut my eyes closed at that but said, "This isn't you, Vanessa. You are the sweet, smart girl I know. Listen, you will be back to the old you. You just need time and I will wait no matter how long it is."

She was silent so I stood up and kissed her forehead. "The world is cruel, Vanessa. It will try to change all things but one thing will not change for sure and it is our love for each other."

**:( Please tell me what you think.**

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**READ: Please read my new story, "Between the Night Sky and Sunrise" Please give it a shot.**

**Plot: ****Ana and Christian had a one night stand and a week later, they found out that they ****are going to be stepsiblings. What will happen?**

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	22. Chapter 22

**Thank you guys for the support you have in this fic. **

**For the one who reviewed that the stealing of babies happens in real life, I never thought that this storyline could be real. I am so heartbroken for hearing that. I write the things I imagine but I never want it to happen. :( **

**CHAPTER 21: LETTER TO CHRISTIAN**

"_I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better but I want you to move on so I'm already gone."_

**APOV**

I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how ugly I look. I have been crying for days not because Levi never came back but because my one true love gave up on me. I don't even know why I am crying. Is it normal for me to feel this way?

Maybe I didn't cry when we got divorced because part of me felt that he will always love me and he will never give up on me. Right now, he just did and I am sure that he will try to move on. I wiped away my tears which has no use at all. I just kept on crying.

Then, the phone rang and I managed to pull myself together. Phoebe and Teddy are playing with our neighbor, Hailey who is carrying my baby boy, Jeremy.

"Hello? Good Morning." I said upon answering the phone.

"Good Morning, Miss Steele. I am Chief Police Neumann and are you the mother of the child Vanessa Fell stole?" I raised my brow at that. This got me to stop crying and pull myself back together.

"Speaking"

"I called to inform you that Dr. Vanessa Fell ended her life just this morning by cutting her wrist." I didn't listen to anything at all. I just dropped the phone and shock consumed my body. Why? Why would she do that?

"Hey Ana! The kids wanted lunch so—What's wrong? Why are you in shock?" Hailey asked as she entered the room.

I slowly turned my head at her and replied, "She is in hell right now."

**CPOV**

I ran inside the jail, still shocked. Why the hell did she do that? She could have just continued her life and tried to change. This isn't the welcoming wind I expected Seattle to give me. Why the hell did this happen?

"Mr. Grey" Chief Police Neumann greeted me and I immediately asked him, "What really happened?"

He answered with a professional tone, "Dr. Vanessa Fell was transferred to another cell because of the constant fights she had with all other prisoners here. She broke the mirror of her cell and cut her wrists with it." My breath hitched at that. The woman whom I cheated with and who ruined my family is dead.

I just looked at nothing. Who would have thought that she would just give up on life. Then, this sudden huge wave of guilt splashed me. Did she really kill herself just because I cannot love her? Oh God, please no! She didn't deserve this kind of pain.

Then, someone entered the jail and I looked horrified at him. It was the oh so perfect Levi. No, this isn't right. Why is he here? Why does he look like he is crying so hard? No, no . . . I let go because of him. Did he change his mind? Did he leave my Ana alone?

"Sir, please don't tell me that it is true" He practically begged Neumann.

"I'm sorry, Boy but she is dead." Then, he sobbed in front of us. He pulled his hair and I just stared at him. The empathy I felt arose today and I understand what he is feeling. That's what I am feeling right now, knowing that I let go of my treasure. Only that I don't show it.

"How can she? How can she?" Levi brokedown and I can't do anything but stare at his misery.

Then, the tall policeman said, "She left a letter" Levi looked hopefully at him. He stood up and grabbed the paper from the policeman and when he opened it, his eyes shed another tear. I swear he looked more broken than before.

"It is addressed to Christian." He said emotionlessly, handing me out the letter.

I opened the paper guiltily and it read:

_Dear Christian, _

_First of all, I would like to say I'm sorry. I am sorry for ruining your life and I am sorry for doing things that I shouldn't have done._

_These passed days, all I can ever feel is guilt and shame. How could I steal an innocent baby? How could I ruin a perfect family? How could I let down a man who will never give up on me? I did it all because of love, Christian and I am sorry for that. You don't know how sorry I am. _

_I am doing this because I cannot live life not knowing who I am anymore. It is not because you can't love me back but because the Vanessa Fell who Levi loved was gone. Call me weak but I am not ashamed for doing this._

_I guess love is just like that. Love makes you laugh, it makes you smile, it makes you angry and it makes you cry. Let's just say that love is a many splendored things and it drives you crazy. That's what you feel for Ana and there is nothing I can do to change that. _

_For the last time; I love you, Christian._

_PS This is not your fault. It is the choice I made so live life happily._

_Vanessa_

I stared blankly at the paper and felt less guilty and pity soon came after. I slowly looked at Levi whose face turned like a zombie and he walked outside.

**Awwwwww…. We're near to the end.**

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